New Fish

After seeing a recent in-house promotional brochure, I'd like to issue a brief request on behalf of my fellow researchers. This is addressed to all professional photographers: please, no more colored spotlights.

I know that you see this as a deficiency, but scientists do not work with purple radiance coming from the walls behind them. Not if we can help it, we don't, and if we notice that sort of thing going on, we head for the exits. In the same manner, our instruments do not, regrettably, emit orange glows that light our faces up from beneath, not for the most part, and if they start doing that we generally don't bend closer so as to emphasize the thoughtful contours of our faces. When we hold up Erlenmeyer flasks to eye level to see the future of research in them, which we try not to do too often because we usually don't want to know, rarely is this accompanied by an eerie red light coming from the general direction of our pockets. It's a bad sign when that happens, actually.

I know that your photos have lots more zing and pop the way you do them. And I'm sorry, for you and for the art department, that our labs are all well lit (with boring old fluorescent lights, yet), and that we all wear plain white lab coats (which tend to take over the picture), and that our instrument housings are mostly beige and blue and white. It would be a lot easier on you guys if these things weren't so.

But that's how it is. And when you get right down to it, you're actually doing us a disservice by trying to pretend that there's all sorts of dramatic stuff going on, that discoveries are happening every single minute of the day and that they're accompanied by dawn-of-a-new-era lighting and sound effects. We'd rather that people didn't get those ideas, because the really big discoveries aren't like that at all. It doesn't make for much of a cover shot, but if one of us ever does manage to change the world, it'll start with a puzzled glance at a computer screen, or a raised eyebrow while looking at a piece of paper. Instead of getting noisier, everything will get a lot quieter. And if there are any purple spotlights to be seen, we won't even notice them. . .

A few years ago, Joseph Epstein, author of the popular collection of essays Snobbery: The American Version (2002), began to notice that he wasn’t enjoying many of his friendships the way he once did. They took so much time, he calculated; they required so much in the way of obligation and reciprocity; and so many of the friends were so needy or loquacious that the spiritual payback to the author’s amour-propre for having expended energy on them wasn’t, so to speak, keeping up with inflation. The curating and maintenance of these friendships—through e-mail, phone calls, occasional letters and/or actual encounters—were getting in the way of his life.

And, for a self-described “gregarious melancholic, a highly sociable misanthrope,” Mr. Epstein is fortunate to have a rather lovely life: a wife he calls his best friend; reasonable health for a man in his late 60’s who has undergone bypass surgery; literary work as a writer of essays and short stories—his new collection, Friendship: An Exposé, is his 17th book—that challenges and rewards; and, by his estimate, around 75 friends. (Friendship is dedicated to one of them, a former bookseller named Arnie Glass who suggested the topic.) Furthermore, unusually for an American today, Mr. Epstein still lives close to where he was born and reared; he has the security of rootedness. Although retired from university teaching, at Northwestern, he seems to possess resources at the ready to go out for lunch or dinner with the least objectionable of his friends whenever he and his wife can find the time...

Here's a happy computer video of what might happen if a big meteor hits earth. Link

There's a feature on today's Make video podcast about a giant, elaborate Rube Goldberg machine assembled out of sticks and stones in a forest. The video features some jaw-dropping, Mousetrap-style action, and the use of found forest-floor materials makes it all the more Wile E Coyote. The video features tips on setting up your own woodsy contraption. Link

"Now old Mr. Johnson had troubles of his own. Still the yellow cat that wouldn't leave his home. Steps were needed to remove the little curse. The old man knew it couldn't get any worse..." -- lyrics from 'The Cat Came Back'

Created by Cordell Barkerm, The Cat Came Back is probably one of the beset NFB shorts of all time. This won a Genie for Best Animated Short Film and was nominated for an Oscar for Best Animated Short.

This gentleman plans to eat only monkey chow for a week and keep a journal about it. Imagine going to the grocery store only once every 6 months. Imagine paying less than a dollar per meal. Imagine never washing dishes, chopping vegetables or setting the table ever again. It sounds pretty good, doesn’t it? But can a human subsist on a constant diet of pelletized, nutritionally complete food like puppies and monkeys do? For the good of human kind, I’m about to find out.

On June 3, 2006, I began my week of eating nothing but monkey chow: "a complete and balanced diet for the nutrition of primates, including the great apes."

Maybe I’ll lose weight. Maybe I’ll gain superhuman monkey strength. Maybe I’ll go crazy. Maybe it’s too late. Check back here every day to follow along with the Monkey Chow Diaries.

Lumma's Lummox: The BMW M6 CLR 600

BMW tuner Lumma has a new, carbon-look kit for the new, carbon-fiber-roofed BMW M6. The package turns the pregnant fish -- a visually stunning pregnant fish from some angles -- into the dark Lord of the autobahn. Aside from all the skirting -- front spoiler bumper with park distance control and headlight washing system, mudguard extensions in the front and back, doorsills with compressed-air brake shafts and rear aprons with air diffuser -- the kit includes suspension-lowering and computer remapping that bugs out the limiter, increasing top speed to 186 mph.

Throat-breathing apparatus sold separately.

Yet Another Eurotuner - Lumma BMW M6 CLR 600 [Modern Racer]

More at World Car Fans

It can be said without exaggeration that pirates are loved dearly by everyone. This includes animals. The statement: "all people love pirates more than their own families" is truthful, and without hyperbole. It boils down to a simple statement "if then" statement. "If you are a living being on earth or otherwise, then you wholeheartedly adore pirates and all that is pirate related." So why are pirates rapidly falling out if mainstream advertising?

An exquisite, handpicked selection of some of the worst music ever. So now you can assault your ears AND your eyes at the same time! ... Features "artists" from the museum, as well as old favorites such as "Mr T", "Hulk" Hogan, William Shatner, etc (64k streaming audio).

See what museum of bad album covers fans voted as "the worst of the worst". "Near misses" are also included.

This mini-gallery of 50 dime-store packages is great -- takes me right back to the corner store where I used to get my fake teeth, fake cigarettes, itching powder and temporary monster tattoos. I only wish there were some high-rez versions of the images to make into business-cards, fliers, and resumes.

THE WORLD'S MOST BIZARRE MOTOR SPORT- ENDURANCE RICKSHAW RACING Aug 21-28, 2006 : Be part of history and don't miss the birth of a new motorsport. The Indian Autorickshaw Challenge is a 1000 km (590 miles) rally through the most scenic roads of South India in a three wheel motorized vehicle. The race is open to everyone regardless of experience, nationality, and age. Rickshaws will be provided by the organizers. You'll have 2 days to prep your vehicle before the start...

This ingenious, hulking, $200 electric mosquito-catcher can nuke 1,200 bloodsuckers a night: The trap uses a strip of octenol (to generate a scent that resembles breath), a UV bulb, and flashing LEDs (oscillating frequencies determined to coincide with spectral sensitivities of many mosquitoes).

When mosquitoes get close to the trap, the patented airflow system that disperses the attractant sucks the insects inside, where they are collected in a mesh catch bag or a liquid catch pan that is easy and safe to empty. In a USDA suburban test, our trap captured up to 1,200 mosquitoes in a single night and diminished mosquito populations over an entire acre.

"Come no further, for Death awaits you all with... nasty, big, pointy teeth!"—Tim the Enchanter, Monty Python & The Holy Grail. Consider yourself warned. Do NOT — repeat — do NOT purchase any copies of this item, as it is a creature SO foul, SO cruel, that no man yet has fought with it and lived to tell the tale! Sincerely, Monty Python P.S. This life size 10" version of the famous death-dealing rabbit has light up eyes, a soft, rabbit-like body, and razor-like teeth...

It may be time to take a break from posting for a few days, so that I can give some thought towards re-tooling this 'blog.

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June 2006

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